Wednesday, 14 March 2012

sexy back!! day 7 & 8

i bet y'all thought i was slacking again, huh? well, i have been slacking... on the blog, NOT on the workouts. rather than doing two  separate posts and spamming facebook with my damn links, i decided to do it this way. 

yesterday was my day for running. the roads aren't clear yet, and there is still a lot of snow and ice, so it was off to the death machine commonly known as a treadmill. BUT, yesterday was also the first day i had been called into work since i started this new program. all day, it was in the back of my head, worrying that i would be too tired and demotivated after sitting at a desk all day dealing with assholes who expect me to know everything, and their cunty remarks and bullshit to even think about running. i kept thinking about all those otherr times i started a program this year, only for it to be disrupted by stupid shit and work. but the more i thought about it, the more stupid that fear seemed. the only thing that actually ever stopped me from working out all those times {aside from the broken ankle} was myself. i would make excuses {i.e. "not enough hours in the day" blah blah fucking blah}, and i would get off track for a week, or even a month. fuck that shit. not to mention the fact that the office where i work is the same building that the free gym is in, and all i would have to do is bring some spare clothes and my sneakers. 

so off i went, as soon as work was over. my little brother came with me, just to check out the gym, but he didn't want to work out until BF had gone down {at that point BF was waiting for me to come home so he could work out}. i did my run, and we got a lift home with a friend. BF was royally PISSED at me for not telling him i was going to be late, but i didn't see why. whenever HE goes anywhere, he never tells me when he's coming back, and if he's late, i don't freak out at him. not to mention that it was 20 fucking minutes. big fucking deal. anyway, he was all cunty and left in a huff. but once he worked out, and talked to the boys that were down at the gym {apparently they were shocked at my 'intensity' and impressed with my running. wtf?}, he must have had a change of heart. so by the time he came home, he was being nice again, and maybe a little apologetic. at least as much as he is capable of, of course, i was {and still am} more than a little pissy about it. i'm not one to hold grudges, but this time i felt like he was wrong to be angry. i need to work out too, and he is not taking into consideration my goals at all. 

anyway, on to today. today was one of those days that, in the past, i would NEVER EVER have managed to get a workout in at all. hell, i wouldn't have  even considered it as a possibility. i not only went to work, but i also managed to get paid early {tomorrow is when i was supposed to get paid} and of course, i had to go grocery shopping. add onto that some visiting in-laws with a new baby in tow, and it's pretty much a miracle or a divine intervention of sorts. by the time i got home from shopping it was 7pm, and i hadn't eaten since mid-morning. it was not a pretty sight. as soon as all of the groceries were packed away, i had something to eat and some coffee. about 35 minutes later, i banished BF to the bedroom with strict orders to remain in there AT ALL COSTS {i don't like working out in front of him unless he's teaching me something. i'm just weird like that}, and got shit done. today i did the ab workout from oxygen, and also the oxygen circuit. it went pretty great, and i got a good sweat on. the only thing that kind of bugged me was that i think i need a little heavier of a weight. Bf is going to figure something out for me by next tuesday {next time doing the circuit}, since all the other weights here are too heavy for me. 

right now, i feel pretty damn good. well other than the residual pissy-ness i feel towards BF for the aforementioned incidence of asshattery, but i've gotta let that go. i want him to take me seriously, i want him to be proud of me and to see that i am really accomplishing a lot with this {well, a lot more than i ever thought i could}... but the bottom line is, I'M NOT DOING THIS FOR HIM, and i'd do well to remember that. i'm doing this for ME. i want to be proud of myself. i shouldn't need validation, approval, or anything from him or anyone else. i just have to keep my head up, keep powering through, and digging deeper. i got this. i can do this shit. no fucking problem.


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