Monday, 22 October 2012

stupid legs.

no workouts for the past 2 weeks. i almost wish i could blame it on laziness. but i can't.
2 weeks ago today, i went for my usual monday run, only this time i was supposed to increase my time from 3 minutes of running at a time to 5. i was nervous, and didn't know if i could do it. i got 'er done, and was ec-fucking-static. 

sadly, later on that night, and even worse the next day, my shins were killing me. after talking with the house-penis and doing some online research, i figured i had shinsplints. and the worst case scenario was that i could be unable to run for weeks, or even MONTHS. fuck that.

so first, i tried to figure out what i had done wrong. the first thing that came to mind was that i had upped my intensity too quickly, for both my running AND weight lifting. add that to my worn running shoes and the fact that i was mostly running on pavement, you could say i was setting myself up for injury without realizing it.

the rest of that week, i spent strengthening and stretching my calves and icing my shins about 3 times a day. after 3 days, i had no pain or tenderness at all. i didn't want to start right again yet though, in case my shins needed more time to heal. at the beginning of  my second week off, i bought some new shoes, and just had to try them. i only made it through half a running workout, only running for 2 minutes at a time, before feeling tenderness in my shins AGAIN. fuck.

fast forward through another week of rest, ice, and stretching... i went for a run this morning, and it went well. even though i am only running for 2 minutes at a time (which is 3 weeks of progress behind where i left off), i try to keep reminding myself that i DO NOT want another goddamned injury. so i took it easy, ran slow, and made sure to stretch afterward. tomorrow it's weights, and i will have to remember to chill the fuck out on my legs.

even though 2 whole weeks of doing fuck all made me feel like a big tub of lard all over again, i realized that was mostly in my head this morning after stepping on the scale. i am down 3lbs!! so that's cool.

i'm not quite shitting rainbows and gumdrops anymore, but i'll get there again eventually :)

Saturday, 6 October 2012

getting fit and shit

BOO!!! lol

bet you thought i was gone, huh? that i had given up on the dream of being healthy and squeezing my ass into those sexy jeans from 2008 that are probably not even fashionable anymore?

i have three words for you: FUCK. THAT. SHIT.

these past 4 months have been far from perfect, but i have learned a lot. granted, the first half of that was spent drinking beer and eating naughty things and just plain being a lazy old fuck. BUT, after spending about 6 weeks saying, "i'll start again on monday," this bitch finally found the motivation to say, "FUCK MONDAY."

i came to realize that that is the oldest excuse ever. you know what? monday NEVER comes. so don't fall into that trap. your metabolism doesn't take the weekend off, so why should you wait until monday to kickstart that motherfucker?

so what have i been doing? well... a whole lot of SFA (sweet fuck all), between my last post in may and the end of august. and you know what? i felt like shit. not just your regular run of the mill shit either. i felt like shit that has been ejected steaming and hopeful onto the ground, only to be left baking in the summer sun, stepped on and run over twice. yep, it was bad.

thinking back, it's hard to pinpoint the day that i committed to change, or what might have triggered the desire to find my way back to a healthier lifestyle. but basically, one day i went and bought a pretty little notebook. that afternoon, i flipped through some of my running books and old oxygen magazines to help me figure out a manageable training program. then, i created a training schedule for 6 weeks in my little dollar store notebook, complete with workouts, dates, and spaces for my thoughts on that particular day.

so where am i now? i'll fucking tell you. 

i am not the size 8 it would take to fit into those jeans... BUT i am damn close.
i haven't lost any weight. in fact, i seem to have gained 2lbs in the 3 weeks or so since i started. but that's cool. the way my clothes fit tell me more than that hatin' ass motherfucker of a scale. 

after 3 weeks in of not missing a single workout, eating mostly clean (i still enjoy a bottle of wine in the tub with the one and only stephen king from time to time), and pushing myself to the point of yelling and swearing at inanimate objects (i.e. weights), i have discovered that  I LIKE THIS SHIT.
i like feeling strong. i like the way some muscles that had disappeared under a layer of 'fluff' because of my laziness and bad habits have started to pop again. i like that i can now curl this certain dumbbell, that would never let me lift it more than 8 times, for 15 reps... in perfect form. i like that i can do REAL push ups again. and you know what else? i fucking LOVE running.

sure, i am only at the point where i can run a little more than 3 minutes at a time... but i can honestly say that the thing known as the 'runner's high' is an ACTUAL FUCKING THING. see, all this time, i figured it was just a myth, some bullshit these skinny motherfuckers who sip green tea and eat bean sprouts had created to make the 'fluffier' portion of the population feel inadequate. it's not. why else would a lazy motherfucker like me even bother to get out of bed at 6am, only to head out into the cold and dark with sore legs that feel like they're weighed down with lead and fucking RUN, even before coffee? 
believe me, it's not because it's fun. in fact, it hurts at first. especially when your legs are sore from the previous day's workout and you can barely manage to lower your ass to the toilet without spewing profanities. but once that blood starts pumping, once you warm up, it is totally fucking worth it. the sun starts to come up, the day gets brighter, and BAM!! instant morning person. shitting rainbows and smiling at everyone, even BEFORE COFFEE.

so that's pretty much where i am now. i do weights 3 times a week, and i run 4 times a week. the only day i do nothing is on sunday, and even then i usually end up going on a germ genocide mission in the house. and let me tell you, with 3 kids that is no small task. dirty little creatures..

my energy and motivation are at an all time high, and sometimes when i fart, i look back real quick to see if there's any unicorns or fairies fluttering out of my rectum. yep. i have become that sickeningly positive and energetic kind of fucker that i used to hate. and it's not so bad.

(insert hearts and smileys and shit here)

wish me luck!

Monday, 21 May 2012

sexy back: week 3 (after a 2 week break lol)

yep. i took 2 weeks off AGAIN. only half of that for a valid reason too. fuck sakes.
first, i was hit with a good, solid week of diarrhea. good times. after that was over, i really don't have any excuse for slacking other than possibly pms. more likely, i just had another case of the fuck-its. either way, it's over and done with. i gained a couple pounds back, which blows... but on the brightside, this past week i did pretty good.

out of supps and depressed over missing the past 2 weeks. began to snap out of it when BF brought home a month's supply of protein and pre-workout shit that i like. did nothing more strenuous than wash all of the floors.

afternoon walk/run with little bro. 33 minutes total (4 mins walking, 2 mins running; repeated 5 times). my legs felt like lead and my cardio sucked. i was huffing and puffing like a 100 year old chain smoker. i think this was partly due to pushing too hard to keep up with little bro (i definitely underestimated him!!). this, of course, was the phase 3 workout. i think that i will repeat phase 3 again next week before advancing to phase 4. 

weights/cardio circuit at noon. felt strong and had a good sweat. first time that i wasn't watching the clock and anticipating the end of the workout. i was actually all "wow, that's it?" when it was over. 

i had set the alarm for my morning run the night before, but it didn't go off. i ended up doing the weights/cardio circuit at noon again.
took the kids for a walk later in the afternoon, probably about 25 minutes. BF helped me do 15 minutes of ab work when we got home. i feel very tired and kind of sore, but otherwise in good spirits.

finally, my stupid goddamned alarm decides to work!!! out the door at 6:30am for a walk/run (same phase 3 workout). it was a gorgeous morning, and i did better than on monday. i really must have been pushing too hard then, because this time it was easy to finish. i was barely out of breath at all. still had a bit of tightness in my shin and calf, so even though it seemed easy, i will repeat phase 3 next week. 

walked around with the kids all morning, at least 3 hours. spent the afternoon shopping. had no time to sit down, and didn't get to even think about my weights. 

hungthefuckover. also started my period last night. FUN!!! will try to run tomorrow, even if it is a fucking holiday.

Friday, 27 April 2012

sexy back: week 2 of running program

when i first looked back at my week yesterday, i was discouraged. i felt like i didn't do enough, and i missed too many walk/runs. but now that i think about it, i did plenty. i think i was on the verge of overtraining, and the diarrhea early in the week didn't help. but shit happens. you just wipe your ass, flush, wash your hands, and move on. 
here is the breakdown of my week of training.

phase 2 workout (4 minutes walk, 1 minute run, repeated 5 times). at 6am when i first headed out, it was overcast and drizzling. within 5 minutes, it was POURING. but even though i sometimes couldn't see a thing, it was a warm rain and it felt AWESOME. when i was done, i stopped in on my mother and had a coffee with her. 
the rest of the day, i had SO MUCH fucking energy, it was unreal! I went for a 20 minute walk with my brother later in the day to go weigh myself again. i wouldn't have believed it if it hadn't happened once before... but in 1 WEEK, i lost 14.1lbs!! NO BULL. ok, so i know a lot of it would have been water weight, since i was bloated as hell and on my period last week.. but STILL, i know some of that was due to hard work, and a cleaned up diet. 
as soon as i got home from that, BF showed me a bit of muay thai kickboxing with the focus pads and mma gloves i got him for his birthday last month. that was fucking FUN!! got a good 40 minutes in, great workout!! 

this day wasn't too good at all. first, my alarm didn't go off. dastardly thing. THEN, as if that wasn't enough, i had explosive diarrhea ALL.FUCKING.DAY. yeah, not exactly the best condition to be in to go running about. so i spent the majority of the day on the couch and in the bathroom. 

tummy is still kind of gross. BF didn't think i should do anything today either, and i actually listened to his advice. went for my morning walk, but only for 15 minutes. after resting for the morning, i cleaned the floors and stuff. 

feeling much better today.. tummy-wise at least. started out at 6:30am for a run, but my ankle and knee started paining right away. AGAIN, i had to cut it down to just a walk. decided to do the oxygen circuit later in the afternoon, but i modified it to lessen any impact on my ankle and knee. 

i woke up very exhausted. it took me a good hour to come around enough to start my morning cleaning routine. i had meant to run today too, but i just feel so worn out. i was a little discouraged early in the day because i didn't do all of my runs this week. i feel better now though, and i will do the phase 2 workout again next week. i'm going to take the weekend off, but i will still be doing A LOT of stuff. i have a lot of yard work, re-organizing, and things to move around. 
i'm definitely looking forward to monday!! let's just hope my ankle and knee cooperate!

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

sexy back: week 1 of running program

i'm so fucking done with the everyday fitness blogs. it's too much. i mean, i liked it at first, but most days there is just not enough hours. and spring has finally showed its face up here in canada, so the less time i spend pounding away at the old keyboard when i could be enjoying the great outdoors, the better. 

that being said, i still want to document my journey. so i will be doing a weekly post rather than daily. easier for me, less for you to read. this will be the first, and it is for last week, which was week 1 of my new running program after coming back from the ankle injury. after this, you can look forward to a new post every friday or saturday. please, try to contain your excitement. i know these blogs must have you on the edge of your fucking seat. so here we go with week 1.

up at 6am for a 30 minute walk. it was gorgeous, and i had a hard time not running. but i don't want to aggravate my bitch of an ankle, so that kept me in check. 
i had intended to do the oxygen circuit later, but it turned out to be a crazy busy day. after i came back from my morning walk and the boys were off to school, i had to pack up baby and take her with me down to the health center to weigh myself. walking both ways, of course. it took about 40 minutes, there and back. after some relaxing at home, i was getting ready to work out. little bro showed up after school and wanted to take the boys to the store. of course, he asked them before asking ME, and all of a sudden it was 4 against 1. so i HAD to take them. no big deal, except that it took a couple hours and 3 or 4 tantrums from baby to get them all there, get their treats, and get them all back home. then of course, we had to play in the yard. i was totally exhausted by the end of the day. no circuit.

dragging ass, but went for my morning walk anyway. after sending boys off to school, i had to make another journey to the health center with baby, but this time for needles. then to the store to console her with treats. again, i had every intention of doing my circuit today, as tired as i was, but it didn't happen. we had to go get groceries in the afternoon, and i got myself a new pair of running shoes. exhausted again, went to bed early.

day off from walking. did absolutely nothing all day except for clean the house.

was supposed to get up for a walk, but i was way too tired. i felt like all of the activity earlier in the week had caught up to me and i was exhausted. i didn't feel bad about missing though, because i think i did plenty for my first week. excited because with all of the walking and chasing kids around and shopping, i did not feel a single twinge of pain in my ankle. yay!!

up at 6am for another walk. love love LOVE the new shoes and can't wait to take them for a real run!! they are so light and comfortable!! turns out, all these years, i've been wearing a size 9 when what i really needed was a 9.5. BF seems to think that ill-fitting shoes may have played a role in my ankle injury. interesting..
did the oxygen circuit in the afternoon. ankle started acting up a couple hours later. we think it is the jumping jacks, and next week, i will substitute something else for it. thankfully, the ankle pain went away after rest and ice. 

Monday, 16 April 2012

sexy back {16/04/2012}

last night, i set my alarm for 6am and set out my clothes. i had planned to get up before everyone else and go for a walk. but my alarm obviously hates me, because it didn't go off. nope, i DIDN'T do it wrong. NOPE. fuck off with that right now, it hates me. end. of. story. motherfucker.

anyway, all was not lost. i was so excited to start this new running program that i popped right up out of bed at 6:10am. not bad.
so i got my ass dressed, and slipped out of the house as quickly and quietly as i could. like a ninja. it was a beautiful spring morning, and i had my mp3 player blasting me into wakefulness with some metal. 

before i get into this any farther, i suppose i ought to explain why i was walking, if this is after all, a new *running* program. well, i am starting from scratch, even if it means that my progress will be slowed down, because under no circumstances whatsoever do i want to re-injure my ankle. that was a really shitty, depressing 2 weeks, yo.

so this program (i got it from a book that BF ordered me from runner's world. it's called "run your butt off") is geared towards helping a moderately sedentary person build up from walking to being able to run for 30 minutes straight. and while i as tempted to just kind of skip the first few weeks and start the program with the amount of running that i left off with, i know that i can't do that. my ankle is just starting to feel completely normal again, and it still gets a little twingy and weak at night. so i had to start from scratch with the phase 1 workout from my book: walk for 30 minutes, 3-4 times a week for 1 week.

so i took my walk. i really had a hard time stopping myself from running, especially with the kick ass playlist i was jamming to. but i restrained myself and kept it at a brisk walk.  it was nice, and it made me realize how much i missed having this time to myself, before everyone else was awake and needed me to cook something, clean something, kiss something better...

another part of the program that i like is that the book has a little workbook section in the back where you can track your progress. so  before the boys got home from school, i packed up baby and walked down to the health center to get on the scale. i don't keep a scale in the house because of my history of anorexia. i know enough about fitness and nutrition now that i really doubt that i will slip into those old, destructive habits again, but having a scale in the house would STILL mess with my head. i'd drive myself totally batshit insane. no doubt about it.

ahh... you see that?^^^
i'm stalling. because i really don't want to tell you what i weigh. fuck. but i will, even if the only purpose it serves is for documentation. i also recorded my other measurements. fun stuff.

Height: 5'10" {hell yes, i'm a big bitch!}
Weight: 212.3lbs
Chest: 41.25"
Waist: 40.5"
Hips: 44.7"
Thighs: 24.5"

stupid numbers, huh? i'll just forget all this shit right now. the whole point of all that {well the height/weight} was to calculate my BMR {basal metabolic rate, i.e. the calories my body needs daily for basic functions to keep my ass alive}. my BMR is currently 1782.

now i ain't about to go batshit insane and go counting my calories, but this book has some pretty cool formulas. for example, i used my BMR to calculate how many calories i need to maintain my current weight {not lose, not gain, just stay the same}. that number is 2450.25 calories. and that's not even taking into account any exercise. that's just if i did nothing but veg all day, i could remain at this weight as long as i didn't consume more than that. nifty, huh? 

anyway... enough of that. boring ass math bullshit, if i do say so myself. i had planned on doing my oxygen circuit sometime today. but then my little brother showed up and had the grand idea of taking the kids for a walk to the store. GRAND idea!! and of course, once they heard the word "store", they HAD.TO.GO.

the whole ordeal of getting them there, keeping baby from destroying the quaint little local business, and convincing them all to share a bag of chips was exhausting, to say the least. by the time we got back home, i had been on my feet for at least 2 hours. i was excited to see that BF was finally home, putting away groceries and cleaning up, and i planned to plop my ass on the front step, stick my toes in the sand, and watch him chase them around. but no. he was "busy cleaning the house." WTF? SERIOUSLY? motherfuckers heard it HERE first: the end times are upon us!! 

it was a beautiful day, and there were kids out playing all over the neighbourhood. but thanks to my exhausted ass, i could only take another hour and a half of lovely outdoors shenanigans like chasing baby as she tried to run headlong into traffic while dodging footballs, soccer balls, and the neighbour's psychotic, bike driving tikes. after that blessed hour and a half, i had to put on my "bad mommy" hat and say, "THAT'S ENOUGH!!" i brought the rugrats indoors, popped in a movie and put my damn feet up. 

so obviously, i am WAY too fucking tired for anything more strenuous than a hot bath with mr. stephen king and "the stand". up and at it again early tomorrow morning!!


Friday, 13 April 2012

sexy back {13/04/2012}

yesterday was pretty awesome for my first day back. i did the oxygen circuit {not the higher intensity one, just the basic one i started with that's repeated only once}, and even though i have been doing fuck all for the past 2 weeks, i think i did pretty good. the only thing that suffered was my push-ups. they were definitely harder. in a way, i am still greatful for the injury though. when i was working out yesterday, i found myself paying extra close attention to form rather than just getting it done. i'm not saying that my form was bad before, but yesterday it was definitely my main concern. the last thing i need is another injury!!

after the workout, i felt good. my ankle didn't hurt, but still had that slight weak feeling. BF noticed later that it had swollen a bit, so it had to be elevated and iced. apparently, it would have been better if i had wrapped it for the workout, but BF wasn't around for me to ask, so i figured i was ok without wrapping. i feel kind of dumb now though, because i should have known better. 

my original plan for getting back into the swing of things was to stick with the circuit until saturday, since it is pretty low impact. but waking up this morning with a slighty twinge-y, slightly more weak feeling ankle makes me think that this might not be a good idea. i'm not sure what exactly it was that caused the cursed ankle to flare up again {probably the running in place or jumping jacks. derp}, but i have to try not to aggravate it farther today. i do have to go to my mother's in a bit, but it's only a 5 minute walk and shouldn't be a problem... especially since i am only bringing 1 kid out of the 3. 

as for today's workout, i will be scouring my oxygen magazines for a good arm workout. i have to do something, and something that will not put any extra stress on my ankle. BF suggested abs and arms, so that's what i'm going with. and of course, after all of this activity, i will try to find the time to sit and elevate/ice my ankle.